How Romance Scams Work — Warning Signs and How to Protect Yourself
Romance scams are emotionally devastating and financially ruinous. Learn exactly how scammers build fake relationships, the warning signs to watch for, and what to do if you suspect you're being targeted.
Romance scams are among the most financially and emotionally devastating forms of fraud. Unlike other scams that rely on split-second decisions, romance scammers invest weeks or months building a genuine emotional connection before they ask for anything. By the time the request comes, victims have often fallen deeply in love with a person who doesn't exist.
In 2024, romance scams cost victims worldwide an estimated $1.3 billion — and that's only what was reported. Most victims are too ashamed to come forward.
How romance scams work
Stage 1: Contact The scammer contacts you on a dating app, social media platform, or messaging app. Sometimes they "accidentally" message you — "Sorry, I was trying to reach someone else!" — and then strike up a conversation.
Their profile is typically of an attractive, successful person: a military officer stationed overseas, a surgeon working with an international organisation, an engineer on an oil rig, or a successful business person travelling for work. The photos are stolen from real people's social media accounts.
Stage 2: Building the relationship This is where romance scammers excel. They are patient, attentive, and emotionally intelligent. They message you constantly, remember details you've shared, and make you feel uniquely understood. They say things like "I've never connected with anyone like this before" and "I feel like I've known you forever."
This stage can last weeks to months. The scammer's goal is to make you fall in love — or at least deeply emotionally invested — before asking for anything.
Stage 3: The barrier to meeting There is always a reason why they can't meet in person or video call. They're deployed overseas. Their camera is broken. They're in a remote area with poor signal. Every time you get close to meeting, something prevents it.
Stage 4: The crisis Something goes wrong. A medical emergency. A business deal gone wrong. Legal trouble. A family crisis. Whatever it is, they need money — and they need it urgently. They may be embarrassed to ask, making the request seem more genuine. They promise to repay you as soon as they return or the crisis is resolved.
Stage 5: Escalation Once a victim has sent one payment, subsequent requests follow. Each one comes with a compelling reason. By the time victims realise what's happening, they've often sent tens of thousands of dollars or pounds.
The pig butchering variant
A particularly devastating evolution of romance scams is "pig butchering" — where the romantic relationship is combined with investment fraud. After building trust, the scammer mentions they've been making significant money through a cryptocurrency trading platform. They offer to teach you, initially showing impressive returns on small investments. They encourage you to invest more, and the platform shows growing profits you can't withdraw. Eventually you try to withdraw and are told you owe "taxes" or "fees." After paying, the platform and the scammer disappear.
FAQ
Key signs include: they never video call or make excuses for not doing so, they profess love very quickly, they claim to be working abroad (military, oil rig, doctor), and eventually ask for money.
Yes, though most operate from overseas making prosecution difficult. Report to your national fraud authority and to the platform where contact was made.
It is never too late to stop. Every payment you stop makes is money you keep. Contact your bank, stop all contact, and report to your national authority.
A pig butchering scam is a romance scam combined with investment fraud. The scammer builds a romantic relationship, then introduces a fake investment platform, convincing the victim to invest increasing amounts before the platform disappears.